By Michael D. Zito, Ph.D.
As we venture into the Spring sports season, let’s keep in mind the true purpose of youth sports: exercise, enjoyment, camaraderie, and social and life skills. According to the research, 90% of kids play sports because it is fun. What makes it fun is trying your best, having positive coach relationships, playing time, playing well, having good teammate relationships, and being active. Winning was 48th on the list of “What Makes Sport Fun.”
Keeping it fun and enjoyable will keep kids playing. However, I have heard from many of my athletes that some parents harshly criticize the athletes, especially during the post-event car ride home. Often, there is an emotionally harsh interaction that most athletes perceive as demoralizing, punitive, unmotivating and generating anger. These parents think this will help the child, but in most cases, it does the opposite.
So, what motivates parents to provide harsh criticism? Typically, the pursuit of future college scholarships and achieving selection to elite-status athletic teams is at the core of my experience. At times, in part, because this pursuit allows parents to live vicariously through their athlete’s achievements. According to the NCAA website, only about 5% of athletes continue their competitive participation in sports in college, and only about 2.5% are eligible for athletic scholarships. It is important to note that even if an athlete achieves Division I participation, it does not always guarantee financial compensation.
Watch this video where youth athletes explain what they want from their parents. Go to the ilovetowatchyouplay.comand search for the “kids tell us the truth about sports parents” video. The video message is clear: athletes simply want their parents to cheer them on.
So, what should good youth sports parents do to keep it fun?
- Keep sports fun and focus on skill improvement, not winning.
- View sports as a way to develop healthy exercise habits, social skills and life skills.
- Refrain from shouting instructions or guidance during an athletic event because it is distracting and usually embarrasses the athlete.
- Don’t micromanage your child’s performance; instead, let your child be coached by the coach even if you disagree with the coach’s approach. This can develop valuable life skills.
- If you have problems managing your emotions as a parent, do not discuss the athletic event for 24 hours and avoid the car ride home conversation.
- Help children self-assess their performance and participate in a self-directed, goal-oriented improvement plan.
- Seek the services of a sports psychologist if you, as a parent, find it difficult to manage your emotions and/or if your child is having performance challenges.
Michael D. Zito, Ph.D. is a licensed psychologist (#3599) with offices in Warren and Morristown. He practices clinical and sport psychology with children through adults and can be reached at MichaelZitoPhD@yahoo.com Dr. Zito welcomes your questions and ideas for future articles.
